


Ravioli Ravioli Their Love Life is a Hyperbole (as Told by the Naive Wonder Known as Hyrule)

by YeetAroundTheBush



Series: Ravioli Ravioli what the heck is happening [1]
Category: Linked Universe (Legend of Zelda) - Fandom, The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms, The Legend of Zelda: A Link Between Worlds
Genre: Crack, Implied Sexual Content, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-05-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:00:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24156259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YeetAroundTheBush/pseuds/YeetAroundTheBush
Summary: Nobody understands Legend and Ravio's relationship. They don't act like just friends, but they also don't act like lovers. Hyrule is determined to prove his sleuthing worth by figuring it out for himself.ora look at everyone else reacting normally and Hyrule being a very oblivious boy.
Relationships: Link/Ravio (Legend of Zelda), Ravio/Legend
Series: Ravioli Ravioli what the heck is happening [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1763800
Comments: 22
Kudos: 300





	1. Hyrule is trying his best.

Another day, another Hyrule. The jarring feeling of being ripped through time and space was becoming just another Tuesday for the links. Hyrule realised that probably wasn’t a good thing, but it wasn’t like he had a choice in the matter. Now that he thought about it, walking through these portals might be bad for their health (they were being caused by dark magic after all). The world they appeared in was foreign to him, but it did have a slight similarity in the tree type to his.

Great. Looking around, he noticed he was holding up the group by standing in front of the portal. Muttering an apology, he moved to the side as the rest of the group walked through. The portal then collapsed in on itself with a loud pop. Everyone took a moment to reorient themselves, checking to see if they had all their items.

“So,” Twilight said, catching everyone’s attention,”who’s Hyrule have we been dumped into this time?” Wild was standing next to him, muttering about sheikah towers and recalibration while fiddling with his slate. Wind took one deep breath before shaking his head, Hyrule guessed because there was no salt in the air. Time took one look at the trees and shook his head, as did Sky and Four.

“Certainly not mine. The air quality is terrible here.” Warriors called from the far side of the clearing as he made sure the end of his scarf(Hyrule thought it was more like a blanket, but he wasn’t going to tell Warriors that.) hadn’t been damaged. When Warriors mentioned air quality, Hyrule paused. His time period had very polluted air, but this air, while tainted, was still safe to breathe. Coming to a conclusion, he looked at Legend and Wild. Their Hyrules were the only other ones that were in a state of decay. Well, Wild’s less so than Legends, but it still counted.

“Got a problem with the air here city boy? And here I was about to offer my house as a place to stay.” Legend smirked, packing up his bag and tossing it on his back. “Guess you’ll be sleeping outside.”

Hyrule had told Legend to avoid antagonising Warriors, but he was fairly sure this didn’t count, and it was funny to see the captain’s reaction to the comment. Warriors stuttered through his answer, and Legend snickered at his expression. The others perked up at the prospect of a roof over their heads and possibly a soft bed. The last time they had been there, it was only for around two hours. Who knows, maybe they’d meet that Ravio guy again. Any friend of Legend’s was a friend in his book.

“Don’t get too excited. We’ve got a long walk if we want to make it before Sky’s afternoon nap.” Legend said over his shoulder, walking onto a path Hyrule hadn’t originally noticed. Sky made a noise of protest as everybody nodded in agreement. Hyrule found himself walking quickly to keep up with Legend. The pace wasn’t bad for him, but for Wind and Four it would be a challenge, especially if the walk lasted for several hours. Hyrule reasoned that the two could always hitch a piggyback ride. Anything to get to their destination before Sky got too tired.

“So… how about we check out that rock formation?”Hyrule asked.  
“No.”  
“That creek over there looks interesting!”  
“No.” Legend repeated, not even sparing the brunette a glance.  
“What about that weird looking tree.”  
“It looks like every other tree in this forest.”  
“What abou-”  
“No. Stop asking or I’ll put you on Sky duty tomorrow morning.”  
Hyrule found the walk rather uneventful. And faced with having Sky duty or not having Sky duty, he would rather not wander off. At least they were getting close. He thinks. Anytime he asked Legend, he just received a grunt. Legend was playing with one of his rings absentmindedly, twisting around his ring finger. That was odd. Hyrule was fairly sure that the ring wasn’t one of the magic ones. Maybe he was wrong.

When at last the modest home came into view, Legend visibly relaxed. He muttered something about ‘that damn bunny’ before speeding up his gait and throwing open the front door. Hyrule heard frantic movement inside, as if somebody was trying desperately to move a sofa without their arms. Legend stepped inside, a grin on his face replacing the usual smirk.

“Kakariko guards! Come out with your hands in the air!” Legend yelled into the house, and the shuffling stopped. Everything was quiet, with nobody moving a muscle. Frantic footsteps began to get louder as Ravio crashed through an interior door, tripping as he entered. He fell into Legend’s arms with his hood down and a big grin on his face. A tiny white bird came zooming in after, landing in Legend’s hair.

“Mr. Hero! I didn't know you’d be stopping by!” Ravio’s grin grew as he looked up at him. “I must be quite the catch.” He snickered, eyebrows wiggling up at Legend. Legend looked down at Ravio, eyes narrowing as he dropped the man.

“Right. A catch. I was going to ask if this means you've fallen for me, but that works too.” Hyrule wasn’t sure what he was witnessing, but even with his limited knowledge on human interaction, he felt this wasn’t something just friends did. He’d have to ask one of the others. 

The other links took that moment to appear, and witnessed Ravio standing up and crushing Legend in a hug. Legend’s face turned a dark red (Hyrule wasn’t sure if it was out of embarrassment or oxygen deprivation. He’d always thought people who couldn’t breath turned blue. Maybe he was wrong.) and he awkwardly patted Ravio on the back.

“So you’ve brought your relatives again! Why Mr. Hero, am I that charming? First you, then your entire family!” Ravio chortled, moving to throw his arm over Legend’s shoulder. The little white bird shifted slightly when the sudden movement before coming to rest once again. Ravio held up his right hand while saying something about his business empire was expanding, but Hyrule wasn’t listening. On Ravio’s ring finger was a ring that looked exactly like the one Legend was wearing. Was that also something friends did? Having friends was still a new thing for Hyrule. He’d ask Four later. He had some of the most rational advice.

“Hyrule, you’re kinda blocking the door. You already did this with the portal, so stop.” Wind said, shoving him in the middle of the back. Hyrule didn’t appreciate that, and he said so. Wind snorted and told him to ‘get his ass out of the way next time’. Rude. This was why Hyrule lived in a cave. No odd behaviors to be confused about, no pirates to shove you out of the way (And pickpocket you. He’d have to ask for his wallet later.), and no people to interact with. Who was he kidding, he loved travelling with the links.

The rest of the heroes walked in, looking around at the cluttered house. Sure, they had been here once, but that had been for around an hour. They were here for possibly more than one day. Where were they going to do… anything? Hyrule was one of the few not thinking about that. He was instead thinking about how society ruined human interactions, as one does. The others were also thinking about how to pry Ravio off of an increasingly flustered Legend.

Warriors cleared his throat, looking around before asking,”So, are you actually going to make me sleep outside? We should work out sleeping arrangements before Sky passes out.” Sky shook his head, leaning heavily on Warrior’s side with his eyes drooping every so often.

“Oh yes. Sleeping arrangements. Well, Link has a lot of stuff, but I’m sure we can make it work.” Ravio said, squeezing Legend’s shoulder before looking at Sky. “I’m thinking we let him take the bed. We should be able to move some stuff around, so long as Link here doesn’t put up too much of a fuss about his stuff being moved.” Legend made a face, Ravio pinched his cheek in response before moving over to help Sky onto the bed.

“Sure, let the bunny make the plans. Doesn’t matter what the owner of literally everything in this house thinks.” Legend muttered, picking up a box before walking away, still muttering about stupid bunnies. Hyrule figured Legend could use some help, as there was a lot of stuff. He picked the box full of bottles(Holy Hylia! Hyrule has never seen so many bottles before!) and walked into the same room Legend had entered. Unsurprisingly, there was more stuff. There was also a portrait of a man in a knight’s attire. Huh. Hyrule didn’t know Legend was one for painting.

“Right. Put it down somewhere it won’t fall at. The last thing I need is to suddenly have a fuck ton of broken glass on the floor. Don’t touch anything inside the actual boxes.” Legend said, moving back into the other room. “Stay here and make sure Warriors doesn’t decimate my shit. You can organize it too if you want.” And just like that, Hyrule was alone in a room chock full of dangerous items. The tiny white bird from before zoomed in and perched on his shoulder. Legend wouldn’t have left him alone unless he trusted him, Hyrule reasoned. He figured he should avoid looking through the stuff. And he did. For about ten minutes.

He decided to look at something that wouldn’t curse him. That meant the jewelry was out, and so was the clothes(you never knew with Legend). Then Hyrule spotted his target. A box full of papers. Sure, he couldn’t read this hyrulian, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t look. Shuffling through the papers, most looked like taxes, the familiar number system clueing him in. Another looked like a birth certificate, but that couldn’t be Legends’. The date was from about eleven years ago in Legend’s time. Odd, just like the royal seal on the note. Hyrule set that aside for the moment.

“Right, where would you like me to put this?” Warriors called out, and Hyrule ducked out from behind a wall of boxes.

“I’ll take it. There’s some space back there.” Hyrule motioned to the maze of boxes stacked above his head.

“Right… good luck with that.” Warriors responded, quickly leaving the room. From what Hyrule could hear, Legend was throwing a fit about people touching his stuff. Hyrule figured he could keep looking through the papers with the excuse that he couldn’t read them. The little white bird flew over and landed on his shoulder, and Hyrule smiled at it. Most animals in his time hated him.

He deposited the box of swords on the ground on his way back to his hidey hole. While they looked pretty cool, he didn’t want to be on the receiving end of Legend’s rage. Taxes were fine to look at, he reasoned, because they also belonged to the government. Who said living in society was hard? This was easy! Back to the papers, he reminded himself. Occasionally he found a drawing or two, but they weren’t very good. One scrap in particular caught his attention.

It was an official-looking paper which also had a royal seal on it. There were a few words he recognized(really only two), such as ‘Link” and “Zelda”. Link was signed at the bottom of the paper, right next to another supposed signature. Zelda was written farther up, with a seal from the courts recognizing it as an official document. He thinks. Maybe it was about Ravio living here too. It probably set up Ravio’s rent, and Fable signed it so it would go through faster as a favour to Legend. Hyrule felt a grin grow on his face. He was really good at figuring stuff out. Maybe he should become a detective.

“Hey Hyrule!”Wild called from the doorway,”Where’d ya go? Legend finally managed to reverse the curse this one ring put on Wind, so now he can monitor what boxes we take.” Hyrule shoved the document into his pocket, figuring he could ask Time if he recognized it later. He poked his head out from the pile, and gestured him over.

“So I found his taxes, but that’s pretty boring. Please tell me you have something exciting.” He motioned for Wild to hand him the box, and was dismayed to see nothing but… were those seeds? Boring. “Are these magic seeds at the least?” He asked. Wild shrugged, picking one up and sniffing it.

“I’m gonna eat it.”

“I'm sorry,” Hyrule did a double take at those words. “Did you just say that you are going to eat the box seed that is in Legend’s hoard?” At Wild’s nod, Hyrule shrugged at the proclamation. “That seems like a terrible idea. Have fun.” Wild nodded, holding it at eye level while muttering about cooking affects. Right before he walked through the doorway, he tossed it above his head, catching it in his mouth. Hyrule wasn’t expecting the burst of speed that propelled him through the door. He also wasn’t expecting Wild to sprint back in a moment later, shoving as many seeds as possible into his slate.

“WILD DID YOU JUST EAT THE SEED!” Legend yelled, bursting into the room with a glare already beginning to form. Hyrule slowly put down the noticeably emptier box, sliding behind one of the many box towers. Hyrule definitely wasn’t expecting Wild to deny the accusation, but he did. It was a shame. Hyrule rather liked hanging out with Wild. All good things have to come to an end, he supposed.

Instead of losing a friend, Ravio dragged Legend away while Twilight lectured Wild. Hyrule didn’t hear shouting, so he guessed Ravio was successful in calming the link down. Hyrule walked back into the slightly less cluttered room to find Wind collapsed on the bed next to Sky. According to Four, Wind decided to go against Legend’s warning and put on a ring that took one’s life energy and set them on fire. Why Legend even had a ring that did that, Hyrule didn’t know. Ravio soon reentered the main room, an annoyed looking Legend following him.

“Ok, so according to Link you lot are low on healing supplies. I am a merchant, so I can’t give them to you for free-” He was interrupted by a snort from Legend, who was currently leaning against Ravio and trying very hard to not laugh. Ravio looked at him, shaking his head. “Is something wrong, Mr. Ward? I’ll have you know this is a highly professional interaction.”

“Oh no, I’m so very sorry Mr.Merchant. I just so happened to remember that you still owe me this month’s rent, and I feel like maybe you could supply us with the proper supplies to pay it.” Legend responded in the same serious tone, a grin threatening to break out onto his face. Ravio huffed, reaching into a bag hanging nearby and pulling out a few potions.

“On one condition.”

“Name it.” Legend said with the confidence of a man going to fight in a hopeless war. Hyrule gave a quick glance around the room, seeing confusion on several of the link’s faces. Were they not following the conversation? Hmm. Maybe he should become a detective, what with his superior deduction skills.

“You cut it with the ‘Mr.Merchant’ stchik. My nickname works far better. Oh, and find another nickname than ‘bunny’. Think you can do that, Mr.Hero?” Ravio asked, a smirk on his face as he watched Legend process that. Hyrule thought he was done with the (weak) condition. But the man definitely wasn’t. “Plus, I feel bunny fits far better on you.” He tapped Legend on the nose before dumping the supplies on the table. Legend’s face was once again turning pink. Maybe he was sick, because Legend never got flustered.

“Dinner!” Wild shouted into the silence that followed the conversation. When everyone turned to look at him, he continued. “I’ll go make dinner in the backyard. How does that sound?” He said quickly, practically sprinting out the back door. Weird. Maybe the seed was still affecting him. Hyrule took another glance around the room, realizing everyone had already spread out their bedrolls. He put his down near the front door, before remembering what he had in his pocket.

“Hey Warriors?” He said, walking over to the elder link, “Wanna train?” Hyrule watched as Warriors’ eyebrows raised, and he appeared to think it over. Hyrule knew he was usually one of the links that didn’t like to spar all that much, but he was hoping to get Warriors away from the group so he could ask about the paper.

“Sure. Looking to get some pointers?” Warriors asked, standing up and gathering his gear. Hyrule nodded, picking up his sword and shield and following the captain out the door. Wild was cooking near the doorway, waving at them before tossing what looked suspiciously like a box seed from earlier in.

“Right. What do you want to work on? Footwork? Parrying? Or do you just want to duel?” Warriors asked, hand on the hilt of his sword. Hyrule looked over at Wild, who wasn’t paying much attention to them. Right. Now was his chance to get a second opinion on the paper. Hyrule reached into his pocket with one hand, the other gesturing Warriors to come closer.

“So I found this paper in Legends stuff, but I’m not sure what it is. At first I thought they were his taxes but it has the name Zelda on it.”Hyrule whispered, passing the scrap of paper over to warriors. The captain did a double take when he first saw the paper. His ears turned a bright red, and Hyrule began to feel concerned. Did Warriors catch the same illness as Legend? Warriors looked up at him, a serious look on his face.

“Hyrule you need to put this back.” Hyrule’s eyes widened as he looked at the paper. Was it really that important? He grabbed the paper, stuffing it in his pocket. Wild was staring at them. Hyrule didn’t understand what was so important about a rental agreement but if it was bad enough that Warriors was telling him to put it back, then he would. Hyrule glanced back over at Wild, who had gone back to cooking. 

Hyrule took out his sword, telling Warriors he wanted to duel. So ‘duel’ they did. In all reality, it was Warriors neatly dodging all of Hyrule’s strikes. By the end, Hyrule was exhausted, and Warriors had barely broken a sweat. It would be more fair if I could use magic, Hyrule thought. And he was still hung up on that odd paper. Maybe he should just ask Legend. That seemed like a good idea. But then he would get chewed out for going through the veteran’s stuff. What a predicament, Hyrule thought, one way or the other he’d get in trouble for being curious. Such is the life of a spectacular sleuth.

“Dinner’s ready! Head inside!” Wild called, gesturing them in. Then it hit Hyrule. He could say he dropped his flute in the other room. Then he could claim he had just found the paper, and he could ask in front of everyone. Then Legend would have to tell him. Perhaps Hyrule could garner a spot as royal advisor, what with all of his brilliant and foolproof plans. He’d do it after dinner though, as Hyrule was really hungry.


	2. Dinner was eventful...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hyrule was very proud of his deductive skills. Legend and Ravio get their flirt on. Wild snorts water out his nose. Dinner was very eventful.

“So Ravio, where in Hyrule are you from?” Time asked, starting a game Hyrule liked to call ‘Grill one of Legend’s few friends for details of his adventures’. Hyrule personally didn’t find it all that fun, but some of the others were trying really hard.

“Well, about that…” Ravio coughed, his whole demeanor switching from pleasant conversationalist to very nervous. Legend was leaning on him with a vaguely hunted look on his face, which quickly switched to one of… panic? Hyrule couldn’t tell. Maybe it was Concern. Hyrule realised he would probably need to get better at reading expressions before his career change.

“You don’t have to tell them.”Legend had straightened his back, hand on Ravio’s shoulder.

“Why wouldn’t I tell them? It’s not illegal anymore, remember?” Any side conversations immediately stopped as the group descended into silence. Wind coughed into his hand, turning to face Ravio. Wind’s expression was a mix of awe and confusion.

“Ooh are you a thief like me, Mister Ravio? Well actually i’m technically a pirate, but i’d say that counts as a thief.” Wind asked, eyes wide as he watched the man’s reaction. Legend began snickering(at what, Hyrule couldn’t tell. Nothing Wind said was particularly funny), and Ravio made a strangled noise. 

“No, no. Mister Ravio here is from a place called Lorule. Zelda gave him citizenship, so it’s cool now.” Legend said through his laughter. Everyone took a second to absorb that information. Hyrule did too. He didn’t know the princess could hand out citizenship. Maybe he should ask for one. He was fairly sure he didn’t have a birth certificate.

“There’s a kingdom called Lorule?” Warriors asked, looking like he bit into a lemon. Hyrule had to agree. Was it a completely different country? A piece that broke away when Ganon took over? Maybe it was just like Hyrule but opposite. The traveller immediately dismissed that last thought. That sounds ridiculous.

“Yeah. Our princess had a particularly bad advisor, who told her to steal the triforce. Mr.Bunny here went to stop the guy. Everything’s good now.” Ravio said, ignoring how Legend made an indignant squeak when called a bunny. Wait. This guy was from a country that tried to steal the triforce? That's not particularly… good. Hyrule immediately trusted the guy less. Maybe Legend was being forced to house Ravio by the princess. That would explain the signature from the princess on the paper.

“I always assumed that’s what we would call Hyrule if he was short.” Warriors commented, leaning back as he grinned at them. Almost immediately groans broke out. Hyrule wasn’t sure how to feel. On one hand it was sort of making fun of him? But on the other hand Warriors had just implied that he was tall.

“Not funny, pretty boy. If you’re going to make bad jokes, make them when I'm not around.”Legend scoffed, arms crossing and eyes narrowing at the soldier. 

“Oh, so he’s the pretty boy? Honestly Mr. bunny, I feel a bit insulted.” Ravio said with a grin, shifting to look at Legend.

“That's not- he’s not- i mean you-” Legend spluttered, moving to put his head in his hands. Warriors looked impressed as he locked eyes with Ravio. There was a knowing smirk on his face. What could he know that Hyrule didn’t? Hyrule thought he was the only link with deductive skills. Legend took a moment to compose himself, turning to face Ravio.

“So you want to be the pretty boy?” He asked with a cocked eyebrow. “I mean I’m not against it, just didn’t peg you as the type.” Hyrule wasn’t sure what was going on, but the evil fugitive theory died out right there. Quickly looking around the group, Hyrule noticed each of them was looking very confused. Hyrule was too but less so than the group, Hyrule thought.

“There’s a type? I guess you’d fit the criteria.” Ravio shot back, face dusted with a light pink where it surrounded his sly grin(Hyrule wasn’t sure how a grin could be sly, but if it could then that would be what Ravio’s grin looked like.).

“Please. You practically made the bar, what with you being a rather good looking bunny. Rather the opposite of Warriors over here. He just has the attitude.” Legend responded, gesturing to Warriors who looked uncomfortable with the inclusion. Legend seemed to have realised what he said a moment later, and his ears turned a bright red. The rest of the links were looking like they’d rather be somewhere else. Hyrule supposed they were just a bit hot(Wind’s ears had turned pink, and he had a look of realisation on his face.)

“Is that so? I appreciate the compliment, Mr. Heroic bunny. Alas, I cannot accept such a gift, as it would suit you far better.” When Ravio said that, Legend stood up abruptly and his cheeks darkened to match his red ears. He picked up his plate as well and hastily made his way towards the exit.

“I’ll be doing the dishes if you need me okay bye.” He said, practically sprinting through the door. Ravio cackled as he picked up his own plate and walked through the same door. Hyrule heard Ravo yell something about how ‘Mr.hero would make an adorable bunny’. Hyrule came to the conclusion that their friendship wasn’t normal.

Cleaning up after dinner was a quiet affair. Hyrule still hadn’t forgotten his plan, but he could wait a bit longer. The others were having an interesting conversation that Hyrule was only half paying attention to. It was only when Warriors made an odd comment that he began to listen.

“Fifty rupees says they're together.” Warriors said, a grin on his face(as if he already knew the answer.) There was an awkward pause where nobody said anything.

“They could just have crushes on eachother and not yet be dating.” Twilight piped up. Now that confused Hyrule. They were obviously just friends, and he said so. Warriors gave a long, drawn out sigh.

“What kind of friend is Ravio then? I certainly have none that act like that.” The captain said, a strain in his voice.

“Maybe they’re just best friends? I mean they have matching rings and everything. Ravio’s is green and Legend’s is purple. Y’know, like a friendship ring.” Hyrule said, and Wild spit out the water he was drinking. The other links had wide eyes as they stayed silent for a moment longer.

“They have matching rings?” Twilight asked. Hyrule nodded. That is what he had said, after all. Did they misunderstand him the first time?

“Nobody’s going to be taking that bet anymore, are they?” Warriors asked. When he was met with a resounding no, he sighed and sat down. The door was swung in as Legend hurried through with a stack of now clean plates. He looked a bit disheveled, which Hyrule found odd

“Damn bunny…”he muttered, cap pulled low so he could avoid everyone’s gazes. His neck was also red, just like his face. The mystery illness got worse, Hyrule thought with alarm. He was about to ask if Legend was okay, but then Ravio entered the room.

“So… Mr. Ward. You didn’t answer my question. Is that a yes or a no?” Ravio asked, looking equally as dishevelled but a whole lot happier. Sheerow sat perched on his head, before deciding that Legend’s head looked far more comfortable and flying over. In the process of settling down, Sheerow knocked the blue hat off of the veteran’s head. He had nothing to hide behind now. Hyrule weighed his options before stepping forward.

“Legend are you sick? Your face is all red. Were you going to tell us that you felt bad?” Hyrule asked, hand going to Legend’s forehead. Ravio started laughing and Legend choked on his words. For some reason the other links were all snickering at him. So what if he wanted his friend to be healthy? Why was that an issue?

“No I’m fine, buddy. I’m just a bit hot.” Legend managed to choke out.

“You sure are!”Ravio chirped, laughter bubbling into his words. Hyrule was surprised Ravio hadn’t passed out from oxygen deprivation. The merchant was doing more laughing than breathing.

“If you’re sure…” Hyrule said, a skeptical look on his face. Somewhere during the conversation Wild had taken another drink of water, only to snort it out his nose.

“He’s okay.” Hyrule jumped when he heard Time speak. The man wasn’t laughing, but he did have an amused smile on his face.

“Okay… If you’re sure…”Hyrule muttered, walking over to his bedroll. He reached into his bag, pretending to look for something. Hyrule had decided to start phase one of his plan. He grunted and screwed his face up to add to the illusion.

“What’s with the face, Hyrule?” Twilight asked him. Part one was in motion. To add to the effect he began to take stuff out of his pack.

“I think I dropped my flute. I was gonna ask Legend to teach me a few songs, because I only know one.” Hyrule explained, inwardly grinning, as the flute was tucked up his sleeve.

“Hm. Did you have it when we switched?” Hyrule nodded. Twilight appeared to think for a moment, hand coming to his chin. Hyrule thought it was a pretty weak thinking face. Almost everyone has one like that. Not him though. He had a thinking face worthy of a detective.

“What about when we were moving Legend’s crap?” Hyrule hesitated when Twilight said this. He waited a moment before shrugging.

“It couldn’t hurt to check, would it?” He asked, a slight frown on his face.

“Just don’t mess with my shit!” Legend squeaked out from where Ravio was complimenting him (In his opinion, Ravio was very nice to Legend. What a nice friend!). Legend’s face was still a bright red, and it seemed like it would stay that way. Ravio locked eyes with Hyrule, a knowing gleam surfacing in them. The little white bird (Sheerow. Legend told him it’s name was Sheerow.) jumped off of Legend’s head and landed on Hyrule’s. Hyrule was confused at first, but shrugged it off. Detectives had to be able to deal with the unexpected, right?

“I’ll help you look. I’m pretty good at finding stuff.” Four said, standing up and following Hyrule over to the door.

“People lower to the ground are usually better at that type of thing.” Warriors commented, a grin on his face. Four took a deep breath before walking through the door. Hyrule would have to ask if what Warriors said was true. Being shorter might help him find clues at a crime scene.

“So I was mainly over here. I hope we can find it before Legend’s junk assimilates it.” Hyrule called over to Four. Now, he needed to get over to the chest Legend dedicated to taxes. Four nodded and walked over to the far corner of the room, next to a mouse hole. Hyrule hoped Legend’s house didn’t have rats. He made his way over, occasionally stopping to pretend to look for his instrument.

“It’s just a wooden flute, right?” Four yelled from behind a low box wall. Hyrule could barely see the top of his head. Hyrule confirmed the statement, and turned to find himself right next to the tax boc. Tox, if you will, Hyrule thought, a small grin growing on his face.

“So I found like twelve wooden flutes. I’m heading over so you can look at them.” Four interrupted his brilliant train of thought with that declaration. Hyrule felt in his sleeve for his flute, so he could plant it. He was met with nothing but cloth. What? That didn’t make sense, Hyrule thought. Maybe it fell out? Yeah, that was it.

“Right, lets see those flutes.” Hyrule said, and his eyebrows raised as he saw Four’s arms filled with way more than twelve flutes. Four gave him a sneaky grin.

“I found more on my way over.” That certainly didn’t answer his questions, but Hyrule figured he could ask Four again later. The two began to go through the pile of flutes, which took quite a while. Hyrule spotted one that looked like his flute, but it probably wasn’t. Yet when he picked it up, he immediately knew it was his. As if to enunciate Hyrule’s discovery, Sheerow let out a loud chirp.

“I think this is it. I found something else pretty interesting though.” Hyrule tagged on the last bit so he could have an excuse to ‘grab’ the paper. He led Four over to the tox (or teast, if you used the word chest). Four raised his eyebrow, but didn’t object to being pulled along.

“Great. Legend’s income tax. Very interesting.” Four said, agreeing with him. Hyrule likes Four because he didn’t shoot down Hyrules ideas. Four was even on his side!

“Not that. This.” Hyrule said, thrusting the paper into Four’s hands. Four blinked, eyes widening. It was too dark to see Four’s irises, but Hyrule knew they were doing the cool flashing trick. Four handed the paper back to Hyrule and walked to the door. Hyrule thought that maybe Four was just overwhelmed by his deductive reasoning. 

“I’m gonna ask Legend why it has the royal seal.” Hyrule mentioned. Four did a complete 180, walking straight towards him. The eye trick was back. Four put his hand on Hyrules shoulder and opened his mouth. He didn’t seem to know what to say for a moment.

“That might not be the best idea.” And then Four walked out of the room. The guy was a bit odd, but he was nice to be around. Why wouldn’t it be the best idea? Sheerow was clearly on his side, the little bird asleep on Hyrule’s head. If it was a bad idea, why was the bird okay with it?

“Hey Legend, i’ve got a question.” Legend looked relieved to get away from Ravio who still hadn’t stopped complimenting him. Hyrule held out the paper, a confused look on his face.

“Why’s there a royal seal on this?” Legend froze as he looked at the paper with wide eyes. Ravio was behind him with Sheerow on his shoulder. Ravio looked less shocked and more amused.

“Why do you have that? Give it to me. Not important whatsoever. Forget you ever saw it.” Legend blurted in his panic, rushing forward to try and grab the paper from Hyrule. Hyrule dodged each of Legend’s lunges, holding the paper behind his back. Hyrule wasn’t expecting somebody else to go after the paper. Hyrule certainly wasn’t expecting to see Twilight with said paper in hand. Twilight’s eyebrows raised as he looked over its content.

“Somebody who doesn’t live in a small village explain this. I don't actually know what this is.” Twilight held the paper far above his head, as Legend was determined to scale him.

“You’re not gonna find out! Give it here!” Legend hissed, grabbing at Twilight’s arms. Twilight looked down at the man(Hyrule thought he was acting more like a child, but he definitely wasn’t going to say that.) with amusement clear in his eyes.

“Hand it here, Pup.” Legend froze when Time gave the order. He was never going to be able to get it back from Time. Instead of going to claw at the leader, Legend hastily went to the corner he and Ravio would be sleeping in. A grin grew on Time’s face and his eye flicked over to look at Ravio. Ravio waved cheerfully at him.

“Legend, do you want to say it or should I?” Time asked, and Legend straightened his back unconsciously. His face was back to being a violent red. Hyrule still thought Legend might be sick. Ravio moved over to stand next to the veteran and gave said man a small nudge.

“R-right so this document, which Hyrule went through my private belongings to find, are uhm-” He said, ending the sentence with a barely audible mumble. Ravio elbowed him, which prompted a small wince from Legend.

“What Link here is trying to say is that this here paper recognizes us as a married couple in the eyes of the Hyrullean government.” Ravio said, and Legend glared at him. The silence covering the group held for what felt like a very long time to Hyrule. He was too busy thinking to realise the pandora’s box(Pox. Hyrule liked puns) he had opened. What’s marriage? Hyrule thought. It was an odd word, but not as odd as what it implied.

“You’re MARRIED?”,yelled Wind,”I thought you two were still dating!” And as soon as the teen broke the silence, question after question came pouring in. How long had they been together? Why did they get married in the first place? Why did Ravio put up with Legend’s mess?

“We only got married so Ravio could obtain citizenship. Fable could only make so many exceptions. So like the amazing person I am, I lent Ravio a hand.” Legend said with far more confidence than he had earlier.

“Oh really, Mr.Hero? I thought it was because I was, and I quote, ‘The best damned merchant this side of the world’. Or perhaps because I was ‘the best thing that happened to this idiot’.” Ravio said, his grin so wide Hyrule was surprised the merchant hadn’t hurt his jaw. Hm. The pink was back on Legend’s face.

“No, it was because when we signed the paper our assets merged. That means I got back all those rupees you practically robbed me of!” Legend fired back, no longer trying to hide his face.

“What’s the sex like?” Four asked, no emotion on his face. Wild snorted, and Twilight was having a hard time keeping a straight face. Wind’s mouth was open, but he clicked it shut and aimed a glare at Four. Ravio was also turning slightly pink, and Legend’s face was one of shock.

“I expected that question, but not from you. I’ll have you know that is none of your business.” Legend said, and Ravio let out a snort. The merchant put his arm around Legend’s shoulder, a cheeky grin on his face.

“Come now, Link. Surely a few hints and dirty jokes couldn’t hurt. Not like that one time where you couldn’t move for half a day afterwards.” Ravio responded, a gleam in his eyes as he feigned a yawn. Legend let out a small squeak, and Ravio grabbed his hand.

“I’m feeling rather tired, Mr.Hero. We should get some rest.” Ravio dragged him over to their secluded corner, and the two disappeared behind several boxes. Hyrule was still very confused. And Time bursting out into hysterical laughter didn’t help.

Everyone slowly dispersed to their selected sleeping areas, choosing to ignore the whispers from the corner. Hyrule supposed his questions could wait until morning. The life of a sleuth made him tired. As he drifted off, he heard a few weirder noises from the corner, but he didn’t question it. Maybe Legends belongings were shifting. Yeah, that was probably it.

Waking up in the morning to find everybody else awake(except Sky), Hyrule prepared himself to ask his questions. Legend was still half asleep and was sleepily glaring at Hyrule. Ravio was eating breakfast and merrily chatting away as if nothing had happened.

“We had to help untangle them this morning. When the whole marriage thing surfaced, they decided to somehow trap each other in a mess of limbs.” Wind whispered to him, and Legend’s glare intensified. That only made Hyrule’s head hurt more. He decided to get it over with.

“I have a question.” Hyrule blurted, feeling all of his confusion surface. The others turned to look at him with a level of expectancy.

“What’s marriage?”

There was silence. The calm before the storm. And it would be quite the storm.

Wild choking on his food broke the silence, and chaos followed. Legend had started to bang his head on the table, and sheerow let out a series of chirps that suspiciously sounded like laughter. Ravio was definitely laughing, as was Warriors. Twilight looked torn between explaining it to him and helping Wild not choke on his food. Four was opening and closing his mouth, face shifting expressions every few seconds. Time’s face was in his arms as he tried to hide his laughter. Sky was still asleep. To top it all off, Wind had reached into his bag and had been taking swigs from a travel flask. Hyrule was still so very confused.

“Okay, so marriage is this thing that happens in a society and-” Twilight said, struggling on his words. Time had interrupted him and pointed to Wild, who was still choking.

“Marriage is the union of two people as partners in a personal relationship. Or in Legend’s case, a way to dodge taxes.” Time said while Four’s face settled on a look of bafflement. Wind nodded at the part about taxes, and Warriors whacked him on the back of the head.

“Wait. Does he know what taxes are? If he didn’t know about marriage, he probably doesn’t know about them.” Warriors asked as his laughter subsided. Hyrule definitely knew what taxes were, and he said so. Amusement gave way to confused amusement. Hyrule hated not knowing what was going on. People who are partners in his time weren’t married. Why focus on something stupid like that when there were monsters or a plague or a famine to worry about? He voiced that too, and the others’ expressions changed to a weird emotion Hyrule couldn’t discern.

“Anyways, if it means lower taxes I can get behind it. Even if the word itself is really weird. Mare-Age. Sounds like a word for an old female horse…” Hyrule said into the quiet. Almost immediately the joking atmosphere was back. Wild had also stopped choking. Hyrule had noticed that being a link implied having a short attention span. Odd. He’d have to look into that. 

“Hmm. This begs the question: does Hyrule know about the birds and the bees?” Warriors responded with a grin, expecting Hyrule to laugh and join in. Hyrule was once again confused. What did bees have to do with marriage?

Hyrule was surprised when nobody explained it. Warriors had told Time to do it, as Time was the oldest. Time asked Warriors if he wanted on Sky duty. Warriors hastily backtracked and shoved Legend forward with the excuse that ‘you kept us up long enough when you were going at it! Besides, he’s from your timeline.’. Legend was not amused. Wild had finally stopped choking and was looking very uncomfortable. Wind gave all of the(extremely) hesitant links a once-over before clearing his throat.

“If you pansies won’t do it, I will. And I will be very descriptive.” Time stood up at that proclamation, practically dragging Hyrule out of the room with a resigned look on his face. Twilight began to choke on nothing. 

“Do you know what sex is?” Time asked. Hyrule nodded. He was done looking like an idiot. He was just going to nod along to everything Time said, so everything could go back to normal. Time relaxed and raised his eyebrows.

“So you just didn’t understand the metaphor. Okay. I don’t have to do this for a long while then.” Time muttered the last part under his breath. Hyrule nodded sympathetically and inched towards the door. Walking back into the room was slightly awkward, but Time explained that Hyrule just hadn’t understood the metaphor.

“I know what sex is. I’m not a child. Or an idiot.” Hyrule muttered, his ears a bright red. Hyrule wasn’t sure why though. The group began to pack up their stuff, agreeing that they’d leave after lunch. 

When they finally did leave, Ravio feigned tears and Legend tossed a ring at him. When Hyrule looked at the ring in Ravio’s hands, he saw the green ring that was supposed to be on the merchant’s fingers. Legend told Ravio that he’d gotten rusty, and the group departed. Walking was fairly uneventful, and Legend paced himself to match up with Hyrule.

“You don’t actually know what sex is, do you?”

“I haven’t got a clue.”


End file.
